Silver Lining

Mid-way through January already... where is the time going?  Well into 2013, I feel like I'm going from one thing to the next, but never getting to a fresh start for the year.  Ending my season last November then going away to Florida for ten days... getting the flu... then dealing with Christmas... getting the flu again... then dealing with New Years and then a jaunt to D.C. with friends for 4 days... it's been a busy off-season for me already.  I am finally back, healthy and ready to get going.  8 weeks from today, I'm back to work again and I'm really looking forward to it.  It's not good for me to have too much time on my hands.  I start to think, and that's not a good thing.

After last year's conspiracy theories and end-of-days bullshit, it was hard to get any kind of focus on the future.  I mean, why even put your hair up in curlers and put on a fresh smock if we're not going to make it through the day?  And while the world isn't any more better off for all the things that have been happening, I can say that I do have some hope for 2013.

My Dad is somewhere in the middle of his treatments and he has completely lost his voice and most of the ability to eat anything solid.  The skin on his neck is showing signs of burning from the radiation, but we knew all this was going to happen.  He has lost some weight and I have to keep after him to eat since all he wants to do is drink Ensure 4 times a day.  I can see it in his color and his weight that this is taking a toll and it worries me since I don't think he's strong enough to fight anything off should he get sick or more worn out than he already is.  And even though he is doing as well as expected, it's difficult to sit and watch him be miserable.  I was never worried about the cancer doing him in since it was treatable, but it was the malnutrition that I've worried about from the start.  I'm trying to not be selfish about it, but if something happens to him, logistically my world will change drastically.  As a result, I am in limbo with any kind of decision I have to make until we see what the next month brings.

Meanwhile, I am finally feeling healthy and I'm ready to start my exercise routine and further curb my poor eating.  I've been doing better... since I got home a month ago, I lost about 10 lbs just from changing my eating habits a little bit.  With winter being my most depressed time, I can honestly say that I've not had many bad days this season.  It definitely helps that I met a really great guy a few weeks ago... and things are going well.  It's the first time in several years that I see a future with someone, which gives me something to look forward to and keep going.  Sometimes all it takes is a silver lining.  It's important to have a focus.